pygmalion :/

Estimated Read Time: 2 minutes

Glazed eyes, flipping through My Day pages of My School website

Desk crowded with scattered bits of quarantine life

The marmalade shaded assignment marked In Progress catches the eye

Reading homework - due tomorrow 

My current subject of analysis, Ovid’s Metamorphoses 

The tale of Pygmalion and Galatea, another legend of divine transformation

Though this one sits inconspicuous

The story is kinda whack

To the uninitiated 

Either due to lack of Percy Jackson exposure

Over-reliance on Shmoop

Or general disinterest, a summary:

A man, Pygmalion, observed the “sordid indecency”

That “nature had bestowed upon the feminine spirit”

Translated from ancient greek vernacular: girls have cootiesYet still, he laments that he could not get some

So, he found a solution

No, not the one you’re thinking of

He called her Galatea

She was not like other girls, because, in fact

This ideal woman was an ivory statue

Who could not breathe, spend money, or complain about his contradictory views on women

So he dressed her up, kissed her, and tucked her in his bed at night

Ignoring the moral ramifications,

He prayed to Aphrodite that she could be human

Then BAM!

Pygmalion’s statue sweetheart was suddenly sentient

I’m just gonna put this out there

If I were randomly turned from inanimate to animate 

Immediately gaining the knowledge of an adult 

And some greasy statue maker said he slept with me in his bed every night

And kissed me without my consent

And told me we had to marry because of his love for me

I would be creeped out, severely

Is that just me?

Even if Galatea actually liked him back, after all… that

Pygmalion despised the opposite sex because they had opinions

His attraction to his creation arose only from her lack of agency

So he prayed for her to become human?

What absurd thought took hold of him

Where he did not realize that making her a 3-dimensional being

Would not imply that she could have everything consciousness entails

Including views, independence, and sordid indecency 

Why would he do that?

I give up, man

My only certainty is 

If someone were to resurrect this tale and modernize these figures

Pygmalion would be a weeaboo incel 

And Galatea would be the anime body pillow that he calls his girlfriend

His waifu that comes to life-u.